Roots
So today I want to share a special something.... something that made me more happy than ever.
I always had a notion about my city's tradition and origins. I come from a very old city, one that was once home to Romans, Moors, Jews, Templars-Having a very rich history.
I'm from Tomar, Portugal. The presence of Jews can be traced very far back... but the earlies proof of settlement dates back to the Middle Ages. It is estimated ( Though this estimation is based on census from after the Inquisition that places the Population at a grand total of 737 inhabitants [1527]) and calculated on an earlier stats of 150-200 Jews ( making it an average of 35%-40%Jewish bloodlines within the city's population... but it went as high as 300-350 Jews after Spain expelled their Jews(increasing the stats to around 60%Jewish population) although the numbers may be higher because this estimation is based on a posterior population census there's no way to really assess the actual percentage of Jewish population in earlier centuries/decades.
Happily something lingered to these days. Oddly enough I have those traces both on my father's side and my mother's side.
There are a few signs. Like I wasn't allowed to point, couldn't cross fingers and stuff like that... then there are more hidden things like ( my grandmother would light candles and stuff) but my father always forbade me and accused me of witchcraft. There are a few signs on my father's side but I'm not very well aware of that side of the family. I'm not dwelling too much on my father's side because my father behaves in a very atypical way for his family and I can't assess much from him. Sadly,both my grandparents on his side passed away.
What made me really excited was finding out more about my maternal grandmother's habits. I was aware of some things already. ´
A few of those things were:you should never step over children, if you do you must walk back, never have mirrors close to your bed ( or your soul could get trapped), not cross fingers , not point , respect the bread and if it falls on the ground we must kiss it ... friday the 13th superstition ( although my mother broke this tradition in my family because of her Fatima Idolatry). We have a few colloquial expressions, but that's more expressive of a collective memory of the heavy Jewish influence (even weekdays have a Jewish Influence unlike other European countries that adopted pagan naming , our weekdays reflect the Jewish week ( except for Sunday that got corrupted by Moorish/christian influence).
For instance
I always had a notion about my city's tradition and origins. I come from a very old city, one that was once home to Romans, Moors, Jews, Templars-Having a very rich history.
I'm from Tomar, Portugal. The presence of Jews can be traced very far back... but the earlies proof of settlement dates back to the Middle Ages. It is estimated ( Though this estimation is based on census from after the Inquisition that places the Population at a grand total of 737 inhabitants [1527]) and calculated on an earlier stats of 150-200 Jews ( making it an average of 35%-40%Jewish bloodlines within the city's population... but it went as high as 300-350 Jews after Spain expelled their Jews(increasing the stats to around 60%Jewish population) although the numbers may be higher because this estimation is based on a posterior population census there's no way to really assess the actual percentage of Jewish population in earlier centuries/decades.
Happily something lingered to these days. Oddly enough I have those traces both on my father's side and my mother's side.
There are a few signs. Like I wasn't allowed to point, couldn't cross fingers and stuff like that... then there are more hidden things like ( my grandmother would light candles and stuff) but my father always forbade me and accused me of witchcraft. There are a few signs on my father's side but I'm not very well aware of that side of the family. I'm not dwelling too much on my father's side because my father behaves in a very atypical way for his family and I can't assess much from him. Sadly,both my grandparents on his side passed away.
What made me really excited was finding out more about my maternal grandmother's habits. I was aware of some things already. ´
A few of those things were:you should never step over children, if you do you must walk back, never have mirrors close to your bed ( or your soul could get trapped), not cross fingers , not point , respect the bread and if it falls on the ground we must kiss it ... friday the 13th superstition ( although my mother broke this tradition in my family because of her Fatima Idolatry). We have a few colloquial expressions, but that's more expressive of a collective memory of the heavy Jewish influence (even weekdays have a Jewish Influence unlike other European countries that adopted pagan naming , our weekdays reflect the Jewish week ( except for Sunday that got corrupted by Moorish/christian influence).
For instance
Portuguese Name
|
Hebrew "Name"
|
Hebrew Meaning
|
| Domingo (Day of the lord Moorish/christian corruption) | Yom Reeshone | First day |
| Segunda-Feira | Yom Shaynee | Second day (same meaning) |
| Terça-Feira | Yom Shlee´shee | Third day(same meaning) |
| Quarta-Feira | Yom Revee´ee | Fourth day(same meaning) |
| Quinta-Feira | Yom Khah´mee´shee | Fifth day(same meaning) |
| Sexta-Feira | Yom Ha´shee´shee | Sixth day(same meaning) |
| Sábado | Shabbat | Rest(same meaning) |
(Although some claim it has christian Origins I've studied through with a scholar specializing in Jewish studies that claims this is of Jewish Origin, although it may indeed have catholic origins those that defend its Jewish origin claim there was an attempt at minimizing the Jewish contribution by the church altering it to fit its needs and it as their own as a form of containing Judaism... although I have no way of confirming this)
so in short a lot of expressions that could be a form of in-family crypto-Judaism could also be a reflex of the collective memory of a Jewish past.
One thing that is very sad is that we're never truly aware of how much oddities there are in our families until we're confronted with new realities.... there are many,many things I deem normal that many people will deem abnormal habits... of course such small family traditions/ways of living will eventually be carried out for so many generations that we don't know any other way of doing things... we end up assuming everyone does that. There are special moments though... that change everything.
One such moments is when I went Kosher( ish [Because I am not Halachically Jewish no matter how kosher I eat no food cooked by me will ever be kosher until I convert]). Now, the reason I mention my pursuit of a Kosher diet is because it was very special to me... it also helped me reconnect with my grandmother and her mother before her and all my maternal female ancestors before her.
When I started keeping kosher, one particular thing about my grandmother's food habits did come to my mind... I remembered my grandmother as I was going through my eggs Kashrut rules. I could remember so clearly in my mind. My grandmother cracking eggs into a separate little bowl, if they had bloodspots she'd discard them and wash the bowl and then proceed to crack another egg until she had enough good eggs. On one such occasions I remember my mother, telling her mother ( my grandmother) that she was being wasteful and that it was enough to just remove the bloodspot that she shouldn't throw away the eggs. This memory sat so badly in my mind that I recall it this to this very day, my mother's attitude towards my grandmother never sat well with me. The years have passed--- I changed, or rather I reconnected with my old self ( as you will see in future posts)....
As I mentioned this odd thing to a Jewish I met online he was far more intrigued than I expected him to be, because in my family they bred Pigs and raised pigs I never thought we could have any significant form of Crypto-Jewish behaviours... that we could have some genes, some long-lost ancestry- but I never expected to uncover so many signs in such a little time. He did tell me that signs of Judaism can be very confusing. They can be the carrying on of Jewish tradition or the negation of Jewish traditions... so, for instance breeding pigs may have been a way to survive the inquisition and also be a proof of Judaism , as it could prove non-Jewish ancestry. But the Eggs is a clear and very unique and intrinsic sign of Judaism... and generally there are more signs. As he said that I did go through know behaviours of my family that I thought were very specific to us. And indeed there were a few more signs.
It's curious that both embracing Jewish traditions and negating them could be signs of Judaism... although of course they seldom are found isolated in such families. He did also tell me that every Jewish family retains something even as they are trying to negate their Judaism... this also happens with Reform and liberal Jews ( and he gave very interesting anedoctal accounts of such events).
Soon I had a whole lot of clues... the way they slaughtered their animals, how they salted and processed their meats, traditions of killing the Best Ram to feed the village for special occasions like weddings, easter traditions...
Of course it could be all in my mind so last week as I visited my mother I did inquire about a few things ... and it was rather intriguing to find out that there were a lot more reasons to be suspicious of crypto-judaism than I expected at first.
She did confirm that my grandmother ... and not only that... my great-grandmother before her ... always did choose their eggs like that, regardless of they were store-bought, or they had just come fresh from their own farm, laid that very day. Women in my family (/ except my mother) have always done this and pre-selected their eggs before cooking.
Another thing food-related is the draining of all kinds of blood from food ( my grandmother did blood sausages to sell but never ate them... again my mom started the whole process of eating those foul things). They even cut and discarded all parts from the meat that had any residual blood or veins and cooked it and fed it to their dogs. They'd never eat any meat with blood in it, They'd also salt meats and process them in very specific ways.
The slaughter of animals also followed their very specific way and they'd never take the animals to the abatoir even if it was illegal, because we had our own way of doing things.
This is getting too long,.... and there's a lot that I could still say, and a lot more than I ignore and sadly will likely never know as I only have one grandmother I sadly can't visit now... and my mother has broken all family traditions.
It was great though finding out about this deep enrooted behaviours in my family. If I felt Jewish before, now I do indeed feel like it's my bloodright and duty to follow my ancestor's path and restore my family to it's rightrul place (at least through me and potential descendents if I am blessed with my own family).
I have never felt so connected and happy as when I found out I wasn't having confirmation bias ( when I asked my mother she had no Idea where I was going at ) and that I have legitimacy in reclaiming my Jewish ancestry... that it is in my blood and I am not appropriating someone else's culture or place. There are more things in my life that have made me realize this was my place and where I am meant to be... but I always was very attached to my roots... and somehow realizing that it's in my blood makes it all the more special... I'm not doing it just for me... I'm honouring my ancestors, and all that were persecuted and had to hide so that I could be born and be alive today. I now understand why I defected from Catholicism so early... I indeed had jewish ... not only a jewish nashama... but also ... Jewish blood... and remaining a catholic would have been a poor repayment to my ancestors... my soul likely knew and always rebelled against the Catholic church... it's just so great and so amazing to know that I'm doing the right thing... to know that my ancestors who died and were forced to convert, have their bloodline now restored to where it belonged. It would have been a great insult to those ancestors if I kept on the christian oppressive doctrine that stripped their descendents of their connection with Hashem and their right to Know the truth...
As Portuguese tend to say, the truth always surfaces!
I feel so blessed and so happy... I have no words. ... this Journey not only is leading me to my bright and destined future... it is also helping me to reconnect with my ancestors and my roots... and that is priceless... there's nothing like honouring our roots... And this tree may have been derooted... but in the end... still managed to find her way back!
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